Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
