Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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