It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
