just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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