OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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