You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
