well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
