I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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