We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
