I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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