i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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