i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
