apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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