i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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