I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
