You just made me feel so damn special
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize