today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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