dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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