i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Who died my cat blue again?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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