I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
