Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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