friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
