These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
