It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
