Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
