C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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