Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
