Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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