don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
