He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
