I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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