You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
