im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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