We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
