tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
