fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
