I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
