if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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