they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
