note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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