I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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