I will die if light touches me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
