a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
