I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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