I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
