i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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