woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
