tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
