Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
