4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
