Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
