peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
