super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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