ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
