I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
