we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize