i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
