And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
