At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
