I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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