I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
