I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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