Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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