Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
